Who Else But.... Britney!?
by Twon-chan
Summary: A new terror is threatening the Shire and the Fellowship plus a new member must save Middle Earth!!
1. SaveusBritney!

Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR and you couldn't pay me to own Britney. :P  
  
One day, an inappropriately dressed blonde was prancing around New York City, looking for her plastic surgeon's office. Being the epitome of dumb blondes, she was lost and wandered into a dangerous looking alley. Two men walked out of the shadows and grabbed her by the arms. One was blond and had a bow and arrows in a quiver on his back, and the other was dark haired and carried a sword. They forced her to drink a nasty tasting liquid and carried her to the back of the alley. The alley ended in a dead end, but on the brick wall, strange characters glowed around the dark outline of a door. The blond haired man walked through dark hole in the wall and disappeared. Then, being stuck with the girl, the man with the sword walked through carrying her. They all fell through darkness for a few seconds, and hit the ground with a loud thud. The girl, of course, landed on top of both of the men who didn't look very happy. They argued for a few minutes and then the blonde haired man picked up the girl and carried her to a small house that was nearby. After a few minutes of lying still on the floor where she had been dropped (and completely forgotten about while the 2 kidnappers argued with an old man) and complaining she felt, well… as normal as possible.  
  
She stood up and screamed, "Like, where the HELL am I?"  
  
"I am Legolas and this is Boromir," said the blond haired man who had "mobbed her for her autograph" as her delusional blonde mind assumed.  
  
"And you may call me Gandalf. You must save us from…The Obsessive Compulsive One. It has invaded even the Shire."  
  
"Yeah, right, whatever, suuuuuure," the girl said, "Where am I?"  
  
"You are in the Shire. I just told you that," said Gandalf.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Legolas.  
  
"I am BRITNEY SPEARS. LIKE DUH!!!" said the Pop Princess.  
  
She looked puzzled when Gandalf stated, " You are an elf, or at least half elf."  
  
Britney tried to speak, but just fainted.  
  
  
  
A/N: Oohhh! Cliffhanger! If you wanna know what happened leave a good review and you will be blessed (or cursed) with a second chapter. Hehehehehe! 


	2. BreadWars!

Britney awoke to the smell of breakfast being cooked. The scent of bacon wafted into the room where she lay on the ground since yesterday because no one bothered to pick her up... What do you think, people like her? She does have to save the Shire, however that doesn't mean they have to like her.  
  
"Ewwwwwwwwwwww! Pig fat! It goes right to my liposuctioned thighs stated the BLONDE BIMBO.  
  
"Who ever said you get any?" said Pippin.  
  
  
  
Britney was lying in the doorway between the dining room and what appeared to be a living room. She looked up at the hobbit that was standing near the stove, about to toast some bread. Frodo, Sam and Boromir were sitting at the table, sipping tea and trying to stay out of any argument. Aragorn, Merry and Gimli had yet to arrive at Bag End, and Legolas and Gandalf were nowhere to be seen. Britney made a mean face and a not-so-nice gesture at Pippin. He threw a piece of bread at her. It hit her face and landed on the ground. She immediately picked it up and threw it back at him. He caught it and toasted it over the flame as if he were making breakfast for her. When it was a perfect light brown he put butter on it.  
  
Pippin pulled a small chair over to her, sat down and ate it very slowly to make her jealous. She glared. He just grinned as if he didn't notice the Pop Princess giving him nasty looks. The Man and the two Hobbits took cover under the table.  
  
Britney said in a stuck up way, "I am on, like, a diet anyway.  
  
She really did want some, but tried to seem as if she didn't care he was making her drool on her $50,000 shoes, that look as if you could buy them for 99 cents in the dollar store… What a cheap bimbo with bad taste.  
  
Pippin then stated off-handedly, "This was the last piece of bread..."  
  
He stuck his tongue out as if he was talking to a childish moron... WAIT!!!!! He is...  
  
Just then Gandalf walked out of the pantry with two loaves of bread. Britney stood and charged at Gandalf, shoving him, taking the bread, and throwing most of it at Pippin. The Hobbits under the table caught and ate most of it because her aim was horrible. When she realized nothing had hit the grinning Hobbit, Britney took the last unthrown slice of bread, toasted it (burning most of it in the process because she can't even toast bread in a toaster) and buttered it. Just when she went to have a bite, Legolas walked in and snatched it out of her hand. The hungry elf devoured the whole thing in one bite, because he had an extreme dislike of her and didn't want her to be able to get her toast back. She was so angry that she tried to slap him. Of course her fighting ability was about level with her toast making ability. Legolas easily dodged the pathetic attack and flicked her, causing her to fall on her liposuctioned butt. She screamed and stomped out of the room as if she was five.  
  
Everyone in the room laughed at her because it was almost impossible to feel sorry for someone like her. Seconds later, she walked back into the room and picked up the crumbs from the piece of bread that Pippin ate... How pathetic. Disturbed by her behavior, Pippin joined Frodo, Sam and Boromir under the safety of the dining room table.  
  
"Like, when am I going to hear more about 'The Obsessive Compulsive One'?" Britney asked. She pretended that no one had seen her fall after Legolas barely touched her.  
  
Gandalf told her that The Obsessive Compulsive One was someone that had an object of extreme power and was trying to take over Middle Earth. The villain also goes by the name of Burande. Then, after she whined and screamed and demanded to know why, Frodo explained the reason for drugging her with the potion.  
  
"It was to make you unable to remember how to get here so when you finally leave, *coughifyousurvivecough*, you won't be able to get back."  
  
"Like, whatever. I know you want me back. No one can live without me around!" Britney responded. flipping her hair and attempting to look sexy or something. The others couldn't really tell because she failed so miserably.  
  
Legolas was the first to stop twitching at the thought of being stuck with Britney. "No, we'd prefer you gone."  
  
Britney smiled and attempted to flirt with him. "I think your llllyyyiinnnngggg!!! I know you, like, totally wanted my autograph. You wanted to tell me that you love me and your one of my biggest fans, right? Come here, I'll give you a kiss!"  
  
Legolas went wide-eyed and dove under the table with the others. Britney tried to follow, but Boromir came to Legolas's rescue and hit her in the head with the Horn of Gondor. Britney cried loudly, until Gandalf grabbed her by the arm and half dragged her into another room.  
  
"Come with me," Gandalf stated.  
  
They left the 5 members of the fellowship cowering beneath the dining room table and went somewhere else so Gandalf could explain more without being interrupted.  
  
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End file.
